1
00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:14,514
[person] And this is a recurring dream
that you're having?
2
00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:17,600
Yes.
3
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:21,229
And in it, the two of you are riding
in that convertible…
4
00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:26,067
in the motorcade in Dallas,
only you're the one that's injured.
5
00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:28,445
-Mmm.
-And what are you wearing?
6
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,238
I'm wearing the same thing
his mother wore.
7
00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:34,159
The pink tweed suit and the pillbox hat.
8
00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:36,036
-She hates wearing hats.
-[Carolyn chuckles]
9
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:37,954
I do. Um…
10
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,831
Okay, well, obviously that's what tracks
11
00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:42,250
with what we're talking about
in our sessions.
12
00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:48,923
The idea that you are paying the price
for John's fame, for John's ambitions.
13
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:53,678
It also speaks to an outsized fear
of exposure of the real world.
14
00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:56,514
Hmm. Let's just try not
to editorialize, okay?
15
00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:59,267
Well, maybe if I was at home
sleeping with her in our bed,
16
00:00:59,350 --> 00:01:00,769
she wouldn't be having these nightmares.
17
00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:02,937
You were the one who decided to leave
and now you're saying
18
00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:04,397
your absence is the problem? [chuckles]
19
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:06,816
Yeah, so we wouldn't say anything
we could never take back.
20
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:09,569
Yeah, so you go on a walk, John.
You don't move out.
21
00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:12,280
-I didn't move out.
-You left and then you-you…
22
00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:13,364
Yeah, you didn't come back.
23
00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:15,200
-So how would you characterize that?
-Oh, my God.
24
00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:17,744
And if that is your instinct,
to bolt when things get hard,
25
00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:19,704
how can I trust
you just won't keep doing it?
26
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:22,373
I was the one that made it very clear
that divorce was off the table.
27
00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:24,584
So I should just feel comforted
28
00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:26,711
that you have unilaterally issued
that decree.
29
00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:30,131
It means that the only option
in my mind is to make this marriage work.
30
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:33,093
John, there is a difference
between not wanting us to fail
31
00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:35,303
-and wanting us to succeed.
-[sighs]
32
00:01:35,386 --> 00:01:37,430
John views our marriage
through the lens of the media.
33
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:41,184
He's more concerned with the optics
of our issues than our actual issues.
34
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:44,604
We cannot just ignore the fact
that we live under a microscope
35
00:01:44,687 --> 00:01:47,482
-because it's inconvenient.
-[scoffs] I cannot be the third person
36
00:01:47,565 --> 00:01:48,608
in my marriage.
37
00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:52,153
Spending the rest of my life competing
with everyone else in the world,
38
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:55,240
or his family's legacy, or his magazine.
39
00:01:57,408 --> 00:01:58,451
[sighs]
40
00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:01,496
Well, I know that this is
going to sound counterintuitive,
41
00:02:01,579 --> 00:02:05,750
but just based on everything
that I'm hearing,
42
00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:09,254
I would advise a trial separation.
43
00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:13,591
I'm sorry, what?
44
00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:17,637
[stammers] Uh, your advice
for our marriage is divorce?
45
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:18,721
No.
46
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:23,810
But I think part of the reason
that you two aren't finding any clarity
47
00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:29,482
is that you're… you're stuck
in this sort of liminal space,
48
00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:34,863
and maybe if you severed contact
for a little while,
49
00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:39,117
you would gain a clearer idea
of what you're missing
50
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:44,581
or what your life would actually look like
without the other.
51
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:47,083
-[Carolyn] Mm-hmm.
-Like, for how long?
52
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,127
Yeah, like-like one, two weeks?
53
00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,796
A month, maybe two.
54
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:56,050
[inhales sharply] Um, do you have,
like, too many clients, or…
55
00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:57,135
No.
56
00:02:57,218 --> 00:03:01,681
No, I mean, you obviously would see me,
you just wouldn't see each other.
57
00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:04,267
I can't not talk to my wife for a month.
58
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:05,977
Yeah, I don't want to do that either.
59
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:09,606
[stutters] I mean, I don't think I could
even if you asked me to. [chuckles]
60
00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:15,028
Well, I mean, you won't come together,
you won't let go,
61
00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:18,823
and instead, you are just
white-knuckling this marriage
62
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:20,450
into a downward spiral.
63
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,187
What happened to one cigarette a day?
64
00:03:49,979 --> 00:03:51,356
We're drinking at a dive bar
65
00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:53,900
in the middle of a workday
after marriage counseling.
66
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:57,445
I'd say my discipline is shot for the day.
67
00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:04,661
[inhales, exhales sharply]
68
00:04:12,543 --> 00:04:13,586
You know something funny?
69
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:18,508
When I'm at the Stanhope
reminiscing about our life together,
70
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,760
I never replay the bad moments in my head.
71
00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:25,682
All I think about is us
at our best, laughing,
72
00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:28,309
-always reaching out for each other.
-[sighs]
73
00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:31,479
It's never enough for us
to just be in the same room.
74
00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:34,732
We always have to feel each other
to know that we're really there.
75
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:36,859
And then when we get together,
76
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:39,862
it's all we can do
not to rehash every fight we've ever had.
77
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:42,282
I don't think we're totally to blame.
78
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:47,704
Our marriage counselor hates us.
79
00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:49,664
-[laughs]
-[laughs] Yeah.
80
00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:53,293
I mean, I think she's going to become
a divorce mediator because of us.
81
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:54,377
[John chuckles]
82
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:56,546
You know what I was thinking about
the other day?
83
00:04:56,629 --> 00:05:00,925
-Hmm?
-That trip we took to Honduras
84
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:04,762
when you got poison ivy everywhere
and I had to wrap your hands in socks
85
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:05,930
to keep you from itching.
86
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:11,060
-There was calamine lotion everywhere.
-Yeah, one big, pink man.
87
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,312
Very messy.
88
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:15,023
What about that time we had sex
on the rooftop in Paris
89
00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:16,774
-and you almost got electrocuted?
-[laughs]
90
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,151
Worth it.
91
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:29,329
If only we knew then.
92
00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:30,663
What?
93
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,460
How good we had it.
94
00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:40,423
[♪ "All I Need" playing]
95
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:47,597
We should get going.
96
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,224
One more drink in this place
and we really will be a sob story.
97
00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:52,810
[clears throat]
98
00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:55,355
-Hey.
-Sorry.
99
00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:57,231
It's okay.
100
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:04,113
Do you mind if I drop by
and, um, get that linen blazer?
101
00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:08,701
♪ All in all there's something to give ♪
102
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:11,287
♪ All in all there's something to give ♪
103
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:14,665
♪ All in all there's something to live ♪
104
00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:19,629
-♪ With you ♪
-♪ Ooh ♪
105
00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:20,880
[belt buckle rattles]
106
00:06:20,963 --> 00:06:24,884
-♪ With you ♪
-♪ Ooh-ahh ♪
107
00:06:24,967 --> 00:06:27,720
♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪
108
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:33,184
♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪
109
00:06:34,685 --> 00:06:37,063
♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪
110
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:42,944
♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪
111
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:48,324
♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪
112
00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:56,165
Best kiss we've ever had?
113
00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:59,919
It has to be our first
outside your apartment.
114
00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:01,963
No. No, that doesn't count.
115
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:04,799
I mean as a couple.
116
00:07:04,882 --> 00:07:06,926
-Mmm, there have been lots.
-Yeah.
117
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:10,513
Jones Beach?
118
00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:12,849
-Which time?
-[chuckles]
119
00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:17,103
What about by that fire
in that lodge in Montana?
120
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:22,233
No, I remember what it was.
121
00:07:22,316 --> 00:07:24,569
Fuck! I'm so late.
122
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:30,741
Hey, wait, give me a kiss.
123
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,285
[keys jingling]
124
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,789
-Bye. I'll see you later, yeah?
-Mm-hmm.
125
00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:39,709
Okay. Love you.
126
00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:41,419
-Love you. Bye.
-Bye.
127
00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:43,671
[elevator bell dings]
128
00:07:47,341 --> 00:07:48,926
That's not what I had in mind.
129
00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:50,970
♪ Ah-ooh-aye ♪
130
00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:56,392
♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪
131
00:07:58,186 --> 00:07:59,854
[Carolyn chuckles]
132
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,819
♪ Ah-ooh-aye, aye ♪
133
00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:12,909
[elevator bell dings]
134
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,331
[♪ "All I Need" continues]
135
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,309
[♪ "All I Need" ends]
136
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:48,236
[rustling]
137
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,030
[footsteps]
138
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,660
[John] Here you go, buddy. [grunts]
139
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:01,165
[groans]
140
00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:16,305
[Carolyn] Morning.
141
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,015
-Hi.
-Hi.
142
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,771
-Sorry, I didn't wanna wake you.
-No, that's fine.
143
00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:26,440
-I know you haven't been sleeping well.
-It's okay.
144
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:30,736
I have a 9:00 a.m. breakfast.
145
00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:35,116
Gotcha. [sniffles]
146
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:38,786
-I can cancel it.
-No. No, that's fine.
147
00:09:38,869 --> 00:09:43,291
I just, um… I thought maybe
we might wanna talk about last night.
148
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,669
-Yeah?
-Yeah. [chuckles]
149
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:52,174
I mean, do you feel bad?
150
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:54,760
Uh… No.
151
00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:57,597
I… I don't know.
152
00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:01,058
Do you feel good
about what's happening right now?
153
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:04,562
Why don't we meet for lunch?
154
00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:09,900
You-You know what, it's probably best we
just talk about it at counseling anyway.
155
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:13,946
Do you think we tell Colleen?
156
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:17,575
I mean, we kind of did exactly
the opposite of what she asked us to.
157
00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:22,830
John, I'm confused.
158
00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:27,209
Are we angling for a gold star here
or trying to save our marriage?
159
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:30,588
I mean, I just don't want her to think
that we're any more self-destructive
160
00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:32,048
than she already does.
161
00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:36,844
Am I seeing you at the George gala?
162
00:10:37,511 --> 00:10:40,556
No, John, I j… I just can't right now.
163
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,141
[John sighs]
164
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:46,312
So then I assume Rory's wedding is
off the table.
165
00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:50,650
I love you, but you still don't get it.
166
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:55,029
It's not as easy for me as it is for you.
167
00:10:55,112 --> 00:10:56,697
What isn't?
168
00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:58,866
Pretending like everything's okay.
169
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:03,454
I can assure you
that this is anything but easy for me.
170
00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:06,374
Talk to you later?
171
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:08,918
Yeah.
172
00:11:11,295 --> 00:11:13,464
[breathes heavily, grunts]
173
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,430
[elevator bell dings]
174
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:26,185
{\an8}I don't think I've been back here
since she died.
175
00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,230
You look terrible.
176
00:11:29,313 --> 00:11:32,566
-Wow. Mom really is here with us.
-You're graying.
177
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:35,528
-Yeah, well, stress will do that to you.
-Mmm.
178
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,327
Sit down.
179
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:48,332
It's a lot.
180
00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:54,380
But you have to ask yourself
what's actually within your control.
181
00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:57,133
And what can you save?
182
00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:00,678
-She won't forgive me.
-For what?
183
00:12:00,761 --> 00:12:04,348
Ruining her life,
destroying her anonymity,
184
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:06,183
failing to protect her.
185
00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:08,561
I mean, I remember sitting here with Mom
186
00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:10,896
and her telling me
that any woman I ended up with
187
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:13,691
would be under the illusion
that we were entering a partnership,
188
00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:18,320
when in reality, they just have
to orbit me like everybody else.
189
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:23,743
She was married
to the president of the United States.
190
00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:26,454
All she knew was how to orbit a great man.
191
00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:30,458
But you aren't Dad,
and Carolyn isn't the First Lady.
192
00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:36,714
John, you dated countless women
who were more than willing to let you
193
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:39,300
be the center of the universe
and none of them stuck.
194
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:42,595
And then you found someone
who wasn't willing to contort themselves
195
00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:46,307
into whatever they thought you needed,
and you fell in love.
196
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:51,187
And now those qualities,
that fire, that self-possession
197
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:53,647
aren't serving you anymore,
and you're crying foul?
198
00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:56,442
I have tried everything in my power
to make her happy.
199
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:58,819
[sighs]
200
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:00,696
What she's asking of you
feels unreasonable
201
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,407
because no one has ever asked it
of you before.
202
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:07,286
Your whole life, people have been willing
to take whatever pieces of yourself
203
00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:09,455
you're willing to give them,
but she isn't.
204
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,334
And she was never gonna be someone
who would be.
205
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:22,134
I know you've been made to feel
like your life is predestined,
206
00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:25,095
but that doesn't mean
you are powerless to change it.
207
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:31,352
The question is
do you love her enough to do that?
208
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,027
[John sighs]
209
00:13:51,121 --> 00:13:52,748
-[horn honks]
-[Lauren] Thank you.
210
00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:54,583
[Lauren sighs]
211
00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:57,628
-[grunts]
-Thank you.
212
00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:01,757
I spoke to John earlier.
213
00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:06,929
He called to ask how you were doing.
214
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:09,598
-[sighs]
-Well, what'd you tell him?
215
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,059
I said pick up the phone
and call her yourself.
216
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,065
He did offer to drop me off
in the Vineyard
217
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:21,569
-on his way to Rory's wedding.
-Mmm. That'll butter you up.
218
00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:25,072
Did you say yes?
219
00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:27,908
Well, I'm not going to turn down
a ride on a summer Friday.
220
00:14:29,159 --> 00:14:30,411
Hmm.
221
00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:33,581
You should have seen him
when I came downstairs this morning.
222
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:37,084
Just heading off to work
like it was any normal day.
223
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:39,670
Well, did you say,
"Hey, can you cancel your meeting?
224
00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:40,754
We really have to talk"?
225
00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:42,381
I shouldn't have to.
226
00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:44,341
It's not my job to edify us.
227
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:47,761
Well then, you clearly weren't
that desperate to communicate either.
228
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:52,558
You know, you think
because of our shit with Dad
229
00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:55,019
-that him leaving's the ultimate betrayal…
-Lauren.
230
00:14:55,519 --> 00:15:00,482
…but this is also you projecting shit
onto John that has nothing to do with him.
231
00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:04,528
If you really wanted to work
on this relationship,
232
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:09,033
you would swallow your pride,
jettison this compulsion to be right
233
00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:11,619
and do what's in the best interest
of your relationship.
234
00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:15,956
All I've done is compromise for him,
Lauren.
235
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:19,293
It's only compromise
if it's by your own volition,
236
00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:21,170
but you can't cling to the past
237
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:23,422
and work towards the future
at the same time.
238
00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:27,259
[♪ "Here with Me" playing]
239
00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:29,136
[photojournalist 1] Right here. John!
240
00:15:29,219 --> 00:15:31,430
[photojournalist 2]
Are you and your wife getting a divorce?
241
00:15:31,513 --> 00:15:32,681
Thank you all for being here.
242
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:36,226
♪ I didn't hear you leave ♪
243
00:15:37,144 --> 00:15:40,064
♪ I wonder how am I still here ♪
244
00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:42,316
Carolyn and I could renew our vows
in Times Square
245
00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:44,944
and the press would brand it
a charged altercation.
246
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:47,863
♪ And I don't want to move a thing ♪
247
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:52,743
♪ It might change my memory ♪
248
00:15:57,164 --> 00:16:00,292
-[photojournalist 3] Carolyn!
-[photojournalist 4] Over here. Here.
249
00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:02,086
♪ I'll do what I want ♪
250
00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:06,715
♪ But I can't hide ♪
251
00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:09,385
♪ And I won't go ♪
252
00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:12,471
♪ I won't sleep ♪
253
00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:16,225
♪ I can't breathe ♪
254
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:19,228
♪ Until you're resting here with me ♪
255
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:21,605
♪ And I won't leave ♪
256
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:23,440
♪ And I can't hide ♪
257
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:24,858
[John] Excuse me.
258
00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:26,652
Hi. You look beautiful.
259
00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:29,154
-Thank you.
-What made you change your mind?
260
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,991
I know how important this is to you.
261
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,325
[photojournalist 5] This way, please!
262
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:37,287
And I know I wanna try.
263
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:41,000
♪ I don't want to call my friends ♪
264
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,793
[photojournalists clamoring]
265
00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:46,005
♪ They might wake me from this dream ♪
266
00:16:48,632 --> 00:16:50,926
♪ Oh, I am what I am ♪
267
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,470
[photojournalist 4]
Look at John. Look over at John.
268
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:59,643
♪ But I can't hide ♪
269
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,437
♪ And I won't go ♪
270
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:02,730
[camera shutters clicking]
271
00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:05,190
♪ I won't sleep ♪
272
00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:08,360
♪ And I can't breathe ♪
273
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:13,949
♪ Until you're resting here with me ♪
274
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,076
[♪ "Here with Me" ends]
275
00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:27,296
[♪ pensive music playing]
276
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,393
[doorbell chimes]
277
00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:48,901
You're early.
278
00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:51,111
Well, I knew if I was late
and you stormed out,
279
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,446
I wouldn't be able to catch you.
280
00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:53,906
[chuckles]
281
00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:54,990
[chuckles]
282
00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:00,621
-[glasses clink]
-[chuckles]
283
00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:02,372
[♪ pensive music ends]
284
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:06,251
This your go-to date spot?
285
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:09,505
What can I say?
I'm a sucker for a laminated menu.
286
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:10,589
[chuckles]
287
00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:16,929
Do you know what I remember
about that first date?
288
00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:20,057
-[sighs] That my bike got stolen?
-[chuckles]
289
00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:24,728
That, and…
290
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:31,360
You said you felt like you had a sign
over your head that read,
291
00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:34,947
"The Hunk Flunks" and that that was
all people saw when they looked at you.
292
00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:37,783
And I remember asking you
what your sign read,
293
00:18:37,866 --> 00:18:39,326
and you wouldn't tell me.
294
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,161
And you still haven't told me.
295
00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:42,955
I don't think I've told anyone.
296
00:18:48,418 --> 00:18:50,712
Because if you knew what my sign said…
297
00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:55,425
"Please handle with care,
not as tough as she looks,"
298
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,010
then the jig would've been up.
299
00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:01,932
There'd be no mystery for you to solve,
no defense system to disarm.
300
00:19:04,476 --> 00:19:07,104
[smacks lips] And therefore,
no reason to stay.
301
00:19:08,021 --> 00:19:09,231
But then I met you…
302
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:14,486
and I fell in love with you
and I didn't want to do that anymore.
303
00:19:17,030 --> 00:19:20,450
I wanted to let you in. [breathes shakily]
304
00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:26,206
You made me realize that I'm someone who…
305
00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:32,087
who wants to be loved and nurtured…
306
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:35,883
[inhales deeply] …and taken care of and…
307
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:37,426
[sighs]
308
00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:46,518
How do we know we won't hurt each other?
309
00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:48,896
We don't.
310
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:52,065
-We just know that we wanna try.
-[sniffles]
311
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:56,069
And build a life for ourselves,
as partners.
312
00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:57,988
And what does that look like,
though, John?
313
00:19:58,071 --> 00:20:02,409
Because I don't think our marriage
can withstand any more scrutiny.
314
00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:04,328
I know. [sighs]
315
00:20:04,828 --> 00:20:07,247
And part of that means I have to reexamine
316
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:10,792
my relationship with everyone
and everything that isn't you.
317
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:13,045
Because you come first.
318
00:20:13,128 --> 00:20:15,422
But I don't want you to feel like
you have to choose.
319
00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:19,551
I know you've been burdened
with unfathomable expectations,
320
00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:21,845
and I would never fault you
for trying to meet them.
321
00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:22,971
Carolyn.
322
00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:27,392
You're the one thing in my life
that I know that I'm destined for.
323
00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:30,646
I love you.
324
00:20:34,524 --> 00:20:36,443
[smacks lips] I love you too.
325
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:48,413
You know, I was thinking, if you're up
for it, you and I could go on a trip.
326
00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:52,376
-Where?
-Anywhere you want.
327
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:56,630
-Paris. Belize. Tahiti.
-[laughs]
328
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:01,802
-For how long?
-Till we decide to come home.
329
00:21:02,469 --> 00:21:04,513
Wherever that might be for us.
330
00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:08,308
I'll be back on Sunday
from Rory's wedding.
331
00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:09,768
Why don't we pull out a world map
332
00:21:09,851 --> 00:21:12,813
and find the most remote island
no one's ever heard of.
333
00:21:14,147 --> 00:21:16,316
I forgot about that, um…
334
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,027
-Rory's… Rory's wedding.
-Don't even worry about it.
335
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,571
-Caroline's not even going.
-No, I wanna go.
336
00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:24,157
You do?
337
00:21:27,202 --> 00:21:28,328
Yeah.
338
00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:33,458
I miss dancing with you.
339
00:21:35,877 --> 00:21:37,629
I miss dancing with you.
340
00:21:38,171 --> 00:21:40,007
[Carolyn chuckles]
341
00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:12,539
That might've been even better
than the first time.
342
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:18,587
I should go.
343
00:22:21,214 --> 00:22:23,091
Gotta find a dress.
344
00:22:29,431 --> 00:22:32,184
-What if we're jumping the gun?
-[Lauren] What do you mean?
345
00:22:32,267 --> 00:22:34,644
It's just we're finally getting
to a good place,
346
00:22:34,728 --> 00:22:37,856
and I don't know if subjecting ourselves
to the prying eyes
347
00:22:37,939 --> 00:22:40,859
of a massive Kennedy wedding is
the move for us right now.
348
00:22:40,942 --> 00:22:43,028
It's normal to feel anxious
and apprehensive,
349
00:22:43,111 --> 00:22:44,780
but you two are going into this weekend
350
00:22:44,863 --> 00:22:47,699
with a completely different mindset
than in the past.
351
00:22:47,783 --> 00:22:49,785
-Go get your nails done.
-[sighs]
352
00:22:49,868 --> 00:22:50,994
Go from there.
353
00:22:51,078 --> 00:22:53,330
-Okay. Okay.
-One step at a time.
354
00:22:53,413 --> 00:22:55,791
-See you soon.
-Thanks, Laur. See you soon.
355
00:22:57,626 --> 00:22:59,628
[♪ uplifting music playing]
356
00:23:01,296 --> 00:23:02,464
[line ringing]
357
00:23:02,547 --> 00:23:05,217
-[operator] Hyannis Port.
-Hey, this is John Kennedy.
358
00:23:05,300 --> 00:23:07,886
Requesting a standard weather briefing
for a VFR flight
359
00:23:07,969 --> 00:23:10,931
from Essex County to Martha's Vineyard
departing around 6:00 p.m.
360
00:23:11,014 --> 00:23:12,182
-Okay, you got Essex County…
-Uh-huh.
361
00:23:12,265 --> 00:23:15,519
-…clear skies, four-mile visibility.
-Uh-huh.
362
00:23:15,602 --> 00:23:17,979
Then it's, Martha's Vineyard,
clear skies, six miles visibility.
363
00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:19,064
Uh-huh.
364
00:23:20,774 --> 00:23:23,568
-[paparazzi clamoring]
-[camera shutters clicking]
365
00:23:35,622 --> 00:23:37,624
What did she say exactly?
366
00:23:37,707 --> 00:23:39,626
-She was nervous.
-[stammers, sighs]
367
00:23:40,502 --> 00:23:42,087
I thought we moved past this.
368
00:23:43,547 --> 00:23:45,715
Neither of you are going
to change overnight.
369
00:23:48,176 --> 00:23:49,261
[sighs]
370
00:24:09,906 --> 00:24:11,908
[plane engine drones]
371
00:24:57,287 --> 00:24:59,998
-I'm gonna go sit with him for a bit.
-Mm-hmm. Okay.
372
00:25:00,081 --> 00:25:02,042
[Carolyn unbuckles seat belt]
373
00:25:05,837 --> 00:25:07,631
-Permission to enter the cockpit.
-[chuckling]
374
00:25:07,714 --> 00:25:09,049
[Carolyn chuckles]
375
00:25:15,931 --> 00:25:20,560
-Excuse me. [chuckling] Oh, fuck.
-[chuckling]
376
00:25:31,488 --> 00:25:33,823
[seat belt clicks]
377
00:25:36,284 --> 00:25:37,410
[sighs]
378
00:25:38,662 --> 00:25:39,996
I missed you.
379
00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:44,209
I had a feeling.
380
00:26:24,874 --> 00:26:27,836
[♪ ominous music playing]
381
00:26:32,924 --> 00:26:34,593
[meters chime]
382
00:26:34,676 --> 00:26:37,804
[plane rattling]
383
00:26:51,151 --> 00:26:53,236
[alarm beeping]
384
00:26:55,822 --> 00:26:58,158
-[switch clicks]
-Everything okay?
385
00:26:58,241 --> 00:27:00,660
-[alarm beeping stops]
-Yeah, you should…
386
00:27:00,744 --> 00:27:02,162
You should go back to your seat.
387
00:27:02,245 --> 00:27:04,289
[plane continues rattling]
388
00:27:09,085 --> 00:27:10,795
I want to sit with you.
389
00:27:17,510 --> 00:27:20,263
[breathes heavily]
390
00:27:32,067 --> 00:27:35,111
[alarm blaring]
391
00:27:35,195 --> 00:27:37,030
-[switch clicks]
-[alarm blaring stops]
392
00:27:37,864 --> 00:27:43,286
It's okay. Just breathe.
John. Just breathe.
393
00:27:44,204 --> 00:27:46,873
[breathing heavily]
394
00:27:48,333 --> 00:27:49,626
Just breathe.
395
00:28:20,699 --> 00:28:22,242
[ringing]
396
00:28:22,784 --> 00:28:24,869
United States Coast Guard
Air Station Cape Cod.
397
00:28:24,953 --> 00:28:26,538
This is Petty Officer Rietta.
How may I help you?
398
00:28:26,621 --> 00:28:28,707
[air traffic controller] Yeah, I got
a no-call no-show at Martha's Vineyard.
399
00:28:28,790 --> 00:28:34,546
-Can I get the aircraft information?
-Piper Papa-Alpha-32-Romeo-301Saratoga.
400
00:28:34,629 --> 00:28:37,757
-And the name of the pilot?
-John F. Kennedy Junior.
401
00:28:38,258 --> 00:28:41,344
...departing Essex County.
Thirty miles in on approach.
402
00:28:42,846 --> 00:28:44,180
[laughing]
403
00:28:44,264 --> 00:28:45,473
[banging on door]
404
00:28:47,892 --> 00:28:49,644
[banging continues]
405
00:28:49,728 --> 00:28:51,604
It's all right, I got it. I got it.
406
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:54,566
[banging continues]
407
00:28:54,649 --> 00:28:56,651
[chattering on radio]
408
00:28:59,446 --> 00:29:01,823
-Can I help you?
-[officer] We're sorry to disturb you.
409
00:29:01,906 --> 00:29:04,033
We're from the Custer County
Sheriff's Office.
410
00:29:04,117 --> 00:29:05,910
Your family's been trying to reach you
on your cell,
411
00:29:05,994 --> 00:29:07,871
but we know there's no service out here.
412
00:29:07,954 --> 00:29:09,289
What is it? What's wrong?
413
00:29:09,372 --> 00:29:10,498
It's your brother, ma'am.
414
00:29:10,582 --> 00:29:13,001
His plane has been reported missing.
415
00:29:15,670 --> 00:29:17,714
[phone ringing]
416
00:29:19,966 --> 00:29:21,092
[Ann grunts]
417
00:29:24,554 --> 00:29:26,347
Hello? [clears throat]
418
00:29:31,102 --> 00:29:32,103
What?
419
00:29:32,729 --> 00:29:36,065
[stutters] I'm sorry,
can you say that again?
420
00:29:38,401 --> 00:29:40,737
[Ed] No, that's correct.
That was my understanding.
421
00:29:41,488 --> 00:29:44,532
Well, I can wait if you wanna check.
I don't think the answer's gonna change.
422
00:29:45,158 --> 00:29:47,118
They said they can have a plane
ready for us within an hour.
423
00:29:47,202 --> 00:29:49,078
-Okay.
-What do you wanna tell the kids?
424
00:29:49,162 --> 00:29:50,830
I don't know. I just… We have to get home.
425
00:29:50,914 --> 00:29:54,417
-Have you talked to the Hyannis Airport?
-No, I wasn't able to get through.
426
00:29:54,501 --> 00:29:56,002
But Teddy said
they didn't land there either.
427
00:29:56,085 --> 00:29:57,754
But we know they took off, right?
428
00:29:57,837 --> 00:30:00,632
Yes, we got confirmation
from Essex County Airport.
429
00:30:01,841 --> 00:30:03,593
But I'm sure there's an explanation.
430
00:30:03,676 --> 00:30:05,929
We begin tonight with breaking news.
431
00:30:06,012 --> 00:30:09,349
John F. Kennedy Jr.'s plane
has been reported missing
432
00:30:09,432 --> 00:30:11,643
off the coast of Massachusetts.
433
00:30:11,726 --> 00:30:15,480
The Piper Saratoga
allegedly disappeared from radar
434
00:30:15,563 --> 00:30:19,234
as it was en route
from New Jersey to Martha's Vineyard.
435
00:30:19,317 --> 00:30:21,778
At this hour, the Coast Guard is stressing
436
00:30:21,861 --> 00:30:24,823
that this remains
a search and rescue mission.
437
00:30:24,906 --> 00:30:29,285
Officials are urging anyone
with information to come forward.
438
00:30:30,787 --> 00:30:33,498
{\an8}[Dan Rather] What has happened
to John F. Kennedy Jr.
439
00:30:33,581 --> 00:30:36,251
{\an8}and his missing single-engine aircraft?
440
00:30:36,334 --> 00:30:39,671
The plane is believed to have carried
not only John F. Kennedy Jr.,
441
00:30:39,754 --> 00:30:44,217
but his wife Carolyn Bessette Kennedy
and her sister Lauren.
442
00:30:44,300 --> 00:30:45,802
They'd taken off from New Jersey,
443
00:30:45,885 --> 00:30:47,554
heading to Martha's Vineyard
in Massachusetts
444
00:30:47,637 --> 00:30:49,180
for a Kennedy family wedding.
445
00:30:49,264 --> 00:30:50,640
-The plane never arrived--
-[turns off TV]
446
00:30:50,723 --> 00:30:53,142
[Caroline cries]
447
00:30:58,189 --> 00:31:00,692
Senator Kennedy,
I have the president on the line.
448
00:31:07,365 --> 00:31:09,033
Mr. President.
449
00:31:18,877 --> 00:31:20,128
I understand.
450
00:31:21,629 --> 00:31:26,634
We, um… We, uh, appreciate
your efforts… [sniffles] …sir.
451
00:31:29,304 --> 00:31:30,930
Thank you for calling.
452
00:31:34,434 --> 00:31:35,435
[phone beeps]
453
00:31:38,229 --> 00:31:41,774
[breathes heavily]
454
00:31:44,611 --> 00:31:46,779
Please don't say another word.
455
00:31:48,448 --> 00:31:50,199
I beg of you, please.
456
00:31:51,743 --> 00:31:53,745
Don't say anything.
457
00:31:57,916 --> 00:32:00,043
-They're reporting--
-I don't care what they're reporting, Ed.
458
00:32:00,126 --> 00:32:02,629
I'm not doing this again, okay?
459
00:32:03,588 --> 00:32:04,797
I will not.
460
00:32:07,717 --> 00:32:09,969
[Caroline breathing shakily, sobbing]
461
00:32:10,053 --> 00:32:11,054
[sniffles]
462
00:32:13,681 --> 00:32:15,099
Why don't you come sit down?
463
00:32:15,183 --> 00:32:17,769
I'm not leaving, Ed.
I'm staying right here, okay?
464
00:32:17,852 --> 00:32:19,771
As soon as I go out there…
465
00:32:22,649 --> 00:32:24,484
He was just here.
466
00:32:30,281 --> 00:32:32,533
He cannot be gone, Ed.
467
00:32:32,617 --> 00:32:34,619
[♪ melancholy music playing]
468
00:32:35,286 --> 00:32:37,872
He cannot be gone!
469
00:32:38,790 --> 00:32:41,542
That doesn't make any fucking sense!
Do you understand me?
470
00:32:41,626 --> 00:32:44,462
That doesn't make any fucking sense.
It doesn't make any fucking sense.
471
00:32:44,545 --> 00:32:46,130
He's not gone!
472
00:32:46,214 --> 00:32:49,258
-[mutters]
-He's not! He's not.
473
00:32:50,927 --> 00:32:52,553
[sobbing]
474
00:32:52,637 --> 00:32:53,805
Sweetheart…
475
00:32:56,057 --> 00:32:59,811
-It isn't true.
-Sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
476
00:33:02,689 --> 00:33:06,067
Please don't do this to me.
I can't do it again.
477
00:33:09,612 --> 00:33:12,031
I can't do it again.
478
00:33:22,625 --> 00:33:24,168
[wailing]
479
00:33:45,481 --> 00:33:47,108
Teddy called again. [sighs]
480
00:33:47,191 --> 00:33:50,069
Um… We have to discuss
the funeral arrangements.
481
00:33:50,153 --> 00:33:53,865
[sighs] Where would you like to have it,
St. Peter's Basilica?
482
00:33:54,574 --> 00:33:56,743
Well, what do you want me to tell him?
483
00:34:00,121 --> 00:34:02,874
That I'll let him know
as soon as I make my decision.
484
00:34:05,126 --> 00:34:08,129
[stammers]
The New York Times called as well.
485
00:34:08,212 --> 00:34:09,213
[sighs]
486
00:34:13,968 --> 00:34:17,305
He spent his whole life bound
to that little boy…
487
00:34:21,476 --> 00:34:25,313
desperate to free himself
from a tragedy he couldn't even remember.
488
00:34:30,818 --> 00:34:33,654
All he wanted was to simply be.
489
00:34:38,367 --> 00:34:42,205
All he'll be remembered for is
what he could have become.
490
00:34:54,509 --> 00:34:57,053
If you're flying using
visual navigation alone,
491
00:34:57,136 --> 00:34:59,764
relying on the lights of the coast,
the horizon,
492
00:34:59,847 --> 00:35:01,724
instead of your flight instruments,
493
00:35:01,808 --> 00:35:04,977
and you're suddenly flying
in the pitch black with haze everywhere,
494
00:35:05,061 --> 00:35:07,980
the ocean and sky essentially blend
into this black hole,
495
00:35:08,064 --> 00:35:10,733
and you can experience
what's called spatial disorientation,
496
00:35:10,817 --> 00:35:12,902
where you basically don't know
which way is up.
497
00:35:12,985 --> 00:35:15,196
So you start course correcting the plane
498
00:35:15,279 --> 00:35:18,533
based on what your impaired brain
is telling you, instead of reality.
499
00:35:18,616 --> 00:35:21,077
Would they have known
they were going down?
500
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:24,247
They would have known
something was wrong, obviously,
501
00:35:24,330 --> 00:35:26,749
but no, not necessarily.
502
00:35:26,833 --> 00:35:28,709
I spoke to someone over at NTSB,
503
00:35:28,793 --> 00:35:31,879
and he explained
it's like being taken under by a wave.
504
00:35:31,963 --> 00:35:33,214
-The water is--
-[door opens]
505
00:35:43,266 --> 00:35:45,977
Let me start
by offering my deepest condolences.
506
00:35:46,060 --> 00:35:47,520
Where is she?
507
00:35:48,980 --> 00:35:50,565
-Sorry?
-Your wife.
508
00:35:50,648 --> 00:35:52,900
She was supposed to be here. Where is she?
509
00:35:52,984 --> 00:35:55,820
I-I think she just felt, uh,
in light of the circumstances,
510
00:35:55,903 --> 00:36:01,242
it would be better if I helped broker
the arrangements for the remains.
511
00:36:01,325 --> 00:36:04,245
Is that right? Mmm.
512
00:36:07,915 --> 00:36:11,419
I assure you she was just trying
to be mindful of your feelings.
513
00:36:11,502 --> 00:36:16,132
Oh, is that the pretext
that her legal team concocted?
514
00:36:16,215 --> 00:36:17,341
My feelings?
515
00:36:17,967 --> 00:36:20,428
Because if it is, she should fire them.
516
00:36:20,511 --> 00:36:22,221
Why-Why don't we, uh…
517
00:36:25,808 --> 00:36:30,354
Uh, President Clinton has offered,
uh, that John be buried
518
00:36:30,438 --> 00:36:35,526
in Arlington National Cemetery
alongside President Kennedy and Jackie,
519
00:36:35,610 --> 00:36:37,153
next to the Eternal Flame.
520
00:36:37,236 --> 00:36:41,073
However, if we wanted
to keep John and Carolyn together,
521
00:36:41,157 --> 00:36:43,659
we propose, uh, Holyhood,
522
00:36:43,743 --> 00:36:47,788
the Kennedy family burial plot
in Brookline, Massachusetts.
523
00:36:47,872 --> 00:36:51,751
Why would my daughter be buried
in a state she has no ties to?
524
00:36:51,834 --> 00:36:55,713
And are you suggesting
those are my two choices,
525
00:36:55,796 --> 00:36:58,966
which you so kindly laid out for me?
526
00:36:59,050 --> 00:37:00,551
No, no, of course not.
527
00:37:01,469 --> 00:37:05,723
But if-if you prefer
that Carolyn be buried with John,
528
00:37:05,806 --> 00:37:08,226
the family would insist
that he be alongside
529
00:37:08,309 --> 00:37:10,353
the rest of the deceased
Kennedy relatives.
530
00:37:10,436 --> 00:37:12,563
"The family would insist."
531
00:37:13,606 --> 00:37:17,818
The gall of you to sit there
and try and dictate terms.
532
00:37:17,902 --> 00:37:21,822
[stutters] No, I'm simply relaying
the wishes of the Kennedy family.
533
00:37:21,906 --> 00:37:24,200
If the Kennedy family feels
so strongly about this,
534
00:37:24,283 --> 00:37:25,952
why did they send you?
535
00:37:31,499 --> 00:37:34,085
Whatever you decide to do
with Carolyn's remains--
536
00:37:34,168 --> 00:37:36,379
You keep saying her name.
537
00:37:37,255 --> 00:37:39,298
You keep saying "Carolyn."
538
00:37:39,924 --> 00:37:43,552
May I remind you that I had not one
but two daughters
539
00:37:43,636 --> 00:37:46,097
on board that plane that he crashed?
540
00:37:46,931 --> 00:37:50,059
[♪ melancholy music playing]
541
00:37:56,857 --> 00:37:58,859
[Ann cries]
542
00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:05,283
[sobs]
543
00:38:07,493 --> 00:38:10,121
[sniffles, breathes shakily]
544
00:38:11,956 --> 00:38:13,958
[♪ melancholy music continues]
545
00:38:20,214 --> 00:38:21,340
[sighs]
546
00:38:32,059 --> 00:38:33,060
[elevator bell dings]
547
00:38:44,905 --> 00:38:47,241
[♪ melancholy music fades]
548
00:38:52,246 --> 00:38:55,374
Your husband needs to work
on his bedside manner.
549
00:38:55,458 --> 00:38:58,294
I think some wires
might've gotten crossed.
550
00:38:58,377 --> 00:39:00,212
Oh, I assure you
there was no misunderstanding
551
00:39:00,296 --> 00:39:02,423
in what he said or how he said it.
552
00:39:02,506 --> 00:39:03,841
Well, I…
553
00:39:03,924 --> 00:39:07,261
I know his intention was
to concentrate on the logistics
554
00:39:07,345 --> 00:39:09,180
so as not to exacerbate the situation.
555
00:39:09,263 --> 00:39:13,267
Then maybe dispatch
a less obtuse spokesperson next time.
556
00:39:18,147 --> 00:39:19,523
Maybe it's best I go.
557
00:39:19,607 --> 00:39:25,071
I'm not finished,
and I will not be dismissed a second time.
558
00:39:26,447 --> 00:39:28,449
[breathing shakily]
559
00:39:29,784 --> 00:39:32,370
Some of the media are saying they crashed
560
00:39:32,453 --> 00:39:35,539
because Carolyn was getting
her nails done,
561
00:39:36,165 --> 00:39:38,334
delayed their takeoff.
562
00:39:39,210 --> 00:39:43,672
Not that your brother wasn't equipped
to fly at night and took off anyway,
563
00:39:43,756 --> 00:39:45,758
but that she held them back.
564
00:39:45,841 --> 00:39:47,426
Her vanity.
565
00:39:48,636 --> 00:39:50,679
Are you aware of that?
566
00:39:52,306 --> 00:39:55,142
[smacks lips] I stopped reading the news.
567
00:39:55,226 --> 00:39:58,479
Well, I have nothing left to protect
but their legacies.
568
00:40:00,731 --> 00:40:05,027
There are images of your brother
beaming around the world
569
00:40:05,111 --> 00:40:08,280
on the cover
of every newspaper and magazine.
570
00:40:08,364 --> 00:40:11,283
Carolyn's photo is usually on the inside,
571
00:40:11,367 --> 00:40:13,702
and Lauren is practically a footnote,
572
00:40:13,786 --> 00:40:18,999
but she wasn't famous,
so I guess her face doesn't sell papers.
573
00:40:22,294 --> 00:40:26,966
My faith has allowed me
to make sense of the world.
574
00:40:28,384 --> 00:40:33,973
Helping me understand
the big existential questions.
575
00:40:34,056 --> 00:40:36,434
[breathing shakily] But now…
576
00:40:39,353 --> 00:40:44,358
there's just a deafening silence.
577
00:40:45,192 --> 00:40:46,777
[sobbing]
578
00:40:47,820 --> 00:40:52,366
I mean, how do you live in a world
that doesn't make any sense?
579
00:40:53,742 --> 00:40:56,120
How do you even get out of bed?
580
00:41:00,958 --> 00:41:03,085
-As soon as you open your eyes.
-[sniffling]
581
00:41:04,962 --> 00:41:08,799
One second longer and you realize
the world you're waking up to is…
582
00:41:10,968 --> 00:41:13,262
painfully incomplete.
583
00:41:20,519 --> 00:41:23,147
[breathes heavily]
584
00:41:23,772 --> 00:41:27,818
When I was 18, I was living in London,
585
00:41:27,902 --> 00:41:31,030
staying with a family friend
who was a member of Parliament.
586
00:41:32,615 --> 00:41:34,909
One night, we left his house
and a bomb went off.
587
00:41:35,993 --> 00:41:38,996
The IRA had planted one
under the front right tire of his car,
588
00:41:39,079 --> 00:41:42,374
and the only reason we weren't in it
was because we were running late.
589
00:41:46,754 --> 00:41:49,965
I agonized over that for so many years.
590
00:41:52,718 --> 00:41:55,346
I couldn't understand
why so many bad things had happened
591
00:41:55,429 --> 00:41:57,139
to people in my family.
592
00:41:57,890 --> 00:42:01,852
But for whatever reason,
I was spared that day a bomb went off.
593
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,523
The only thing I really gleaned
from that experience was
594
00:42:05,606 --> 00:42:08,776
that there is no rhyme or reason
595
00:42:08,859 --> 00:42:12,404
as to why some of us
get to stay here a little longer.
596
00:42:17,409 --> 00:42:20,663
All we know is that
time doesn't belong to us.
597
00:42:23,123 --> 00:42:25,125
Nothing is promised.
598
00:42:32,716 --> 00:42:34,843
I'm sure you already know this
about me by now,
599
00:42:34,927 --> 00:42:38,138
but I'm not someone
who lets people in very easily.
600
00:42:39,890 --> 00:42:41,850
I don't know
if it's because I question their motives
601
00:42:41,934 --> 00:42:47,523
or maybe it's because I have this feeling
that the less people I know…
602
00:42:49,775 --> 00:42:52,778
the less people
I'll inevitably have to grieve.
603
00:42:58,909 --> 00:43:01,912
I didn't know Lauren very well,
unfortunately.
604
00:43:04,790 --> 00:43:07,918
But I knew she was incredibly smart,
605
00:43:08,669 --> 00:43:13,132
funny, beautiful, dynamic.
606
00:43:15,092 --> 00:43:17,261
But I did know Carolyn.
607
00:43:18,345 --> 00:43:20,556
And I knew she was struggling.
608
00:43:22,349 --> 00:43:24,560
And instead of reaching out to her…
609
00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:31,900
I will regret what I didn't do…
610
00:43:32,735 --> 00:43:33,819
[breathes shakily]
611
00:43:33,902 --> 00:43:36,864
…and what I could've done
for the rest of my life.
612
00:43:40,909 --> 00:43:47,458
[breathes shakily] She said
she didn't recognize who she had become.
613
00:43:51,295 --> 00:43:55,341
And now that person
will be immortalized forever.
614
00:44:00,179 --> 00:44:04,642
I only wish she had lived long enough
615
00:44:04,725 --> 00:44:07,978
to be remembered for something else.
616
00:44:08,729 --> 00:44:10,439
[sobbing, muttering]
617
00:44:18,489 --> 00:44:20,324
I've heard people say,
618
00:44:21,450 --> 00:44:27,039
"I'm sorry for your loss" so many times
over the course of my life.
619
00:44:27,122 --> 00:44:31,877
It just starts to sound like white noise,
like when people say, "God bless you."
620
00:44:33,379 --> 00:44:35,798
But now I'm sitting here across from you…
621
00:44:40,135 --> 00:44:43,097
and all I wanna say is how sorry I am.
622
00:44:46,642 --> 00:44:48,602
But I also know that it's not enough.
623
00:44:49,228 --> 00:44:50,396
No.
624
00:44:52,272 --> 00:44:54,066
And it will never be enough.
625
00:45:16,547 --> 00:45:20,092
I'm remembering a conversation
I had with John a while back,
626
00:45:20,175 --> 00:45:26,432
where he said he wanted to be cremated
with his ashes spread across the sea.
627
00:45:28,350 --> 00:45:30,227
I was wondering if…
628
00:45:31,812 --> 00:45:37,776
maybe we could spread John, Carolyn,
and Lauren's ashes together.
629
00:45:39,820 --> 00:45:41,405
As one.
630
00:45:49,079 --> 00:45:50,122
[elevator bell dings]
631
00:46:05,804 --> 00:46:07,973
[♪ mournful music playing]
632
00:46:08,056 --> 00:46:09,057
[sighs]
633
00:46:20,277 --> 00:46:23,280
[camera shutters clicking]
634
00:46:34,124 --> 00:46:35,125
[car door opens]
635
00:46:46,136 --> 00:46:48,889
[breathing heavily, sobs]
636
00:47:14,957 --> 00:47:16,750
Cars are downstairs.
637
00:47:16,834 --> 00:47:18,502
Okay, thank you.
638
00:47:27,344 --> 00:47:31,890
I won't ask you how you're holding up.
I always found that question moronic.
639
00:47:35,978 --> 00:47:37,688
I knew he was gone.
640
00:47:40,732 --> 00:47:46,071
As soon as I heard that pounding
on the door, I just felt this shift.
641
00:47:47,322 --> 00:47:52,119
Just this overwhelming sense of dread.
642
00:47:54,329 --> 00:47:55,789
Oh, I felt that same way
643
00:47:55,873 --> 00:47:58,709
when I got the call
about my parents' plane.
644
00:47:58,792 --> 00:48:03,297
I was 27 years old.
I had three children and a newborn.
645
00:48:03,380 --> 00:48:04,798
[sighs]
646
00:48:04,882 --> 00:48:08,677
I just remember the phone ringing
in our house in Hyannis,
647
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:11,346
and for whatever reason,
I wouldn't answer it.
648
00:48:11,430 --> 00:48:14,558
And then it rang again. Again and again.
649
00:48:15,142 --> 00:48:18,020
I don't think I realized
how young you were when that happened.
650
00:48:18,103 --> 00:48:20,856
[chuckles]
I don't think I realized how young I was.
651
00:48:23,442 --> 00:48:24,610
[breathes heavily]
652
00:48:25,903 --> 00:48:31,867
I know I'm not a Kennedy by blood,
but you and I are alike in a lot of ways.
653
00:48:31,950 --> 00:48:36,413
We take pride in our resolve
and in our independence.
654
00:48:37,122 --> 00:48:40,125
That's why we're so averse
to pity in all its forms.
655
00:48:41,251 --> 00:48:44,838
It's not enough
we have to survive all this loss.
656
00:48:44,922 --> 00:48:47,966
We have to ensure
that we're not defined by it.
657
00:48:48,050 --> 00:48:49,718
I… [chuckling] It's exhausting.
658
00:48:52,179 --> 00:48:55,265
It's hard to imagine a world
in which I don't feel this way every day.
659
00:48:55,933 --> 00:48:59,227
Well, the grief is always gonna be there.
660
00:49:00,020 --> 00:49:03,649
But it's your relationship with the grief
that changes.
661
00:49:03,732 --> 00:49:07,069
At some point,
you realize you can do something with it.
662
00:49:07,152 --> 00:49:09,237
Because you felt you had no choice.
663
00:49:09,321 --> 00:49:13,325
No, because when I didn't have one,
I knew I could.
664
00:49:16,536 --> 00:49:19,915
I understand the urge
to retreat even further.
665
00:49:21,166 --> 00:49:25,587
To get away from the prying eyes
and the concerned whispers.
666
00:49:26,254 --> 00:49:29,049
But privacy doesn't always ensure peace.
667
00:49:29,132 --> 00:49:33,470
If it did, I'd have vanished
a long time ago. [chuckles]
668
00:49:33,553 --> 00:49:37,140
We are Kennedy women,
and we're still here.
669
00:49:37,683 --> 00:49:39,643
And that can't be for nothing.
670
00:49:51,279 --> 00:49:52,280
[sighs]
671
00:49:54,700 --> 00:49:57,619
[♪ organ plays "Abide With Me"]
672
00:50:15,679 --> 00:50:17,681
[♪ "Abide With Me" ends]
673
00:50:28,150 --> 00:50:30,152
[♪ somber music playing]
674
00:50:46,376 --> 00:50:47,377
[sighs]
675
00:50:52,340 --> 00:50:54,760
"Death is nothing at all.
676
00:50:55,552 --> 00:50:57,095
It does not count.
677
00:50:58,013 --> 00:51:00,557
I have only slipped away
into the next room.
678
00:51:01,224 --> 00:51:03,602
Nothing has happened.
679
00:51:05,771 --> 00:51:08,982
Everything remains exactly as it was.
680
00:51:09,066 --> 00:51:11,777
I am I, and you are you,
681
00:51:11,860 --> 00:51:15,030
and the old life that we lived
so fondly together
682
00:51:15,113 --> 00:51:17,657
is untouched, unchanged.
683
00:51:17,741 --> 00:51:22,370
Whatever we were to each other,
that we are still.
684
00:51:22,454 --> 00:51:25,999
Call me by the old familiar name.
685
00:51:26,083 --> 00:51:30,462
Speak of me in the easy way
which you always used.
686
00:51:31,296 --> 00:51:34,549
Put no differences into your tone.
687
00:51:36,384 --> 00:51:40,430
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
688
00:51:42,808 --> 00:51:47,521
Life means all that it ever meant.
689
00:51:48,980 --> 00:51:51,191
It is the same as it ever was."
690
00:51:54,486 --> 00:51:56,279
[breathes shakily]
691
00:51:56,947 --> 00:52:00,242
[Ann] "Do not stand by my grave and weep.
692
00:52:03,495 --> 00:52:04,830
I am not there.
693
00:52:04,913 --> 00:52:06,081
I do not sleep.
694
00:52:17,092 --> 00:52:19,970
I am the thousand winds that blow.
695
00:52:20,929 --> 00:52:24,266
I am the diamond glints in snow."
696
00:52:41,658 --> 00:52:43,660
[seagulls squawking]
697
00:52:48,957 --> 00:52:52,586
"I am the sunlight of ripened grain.
698
00:52:53,628 --> 00:52:56,214
I am the gentle autumn rain.
699
00:52:59,801 --> 00:53:02,387
As you awake with morning's hush,
700
00:53:05,307 --> 00:53:08,101
I am the swift up-flinging rush."
701
00:53:08,185 --> 00:53:10,187
[birds chirping]
702
00:53:10,270 --> 00:53:13,106
[♪ uplifting music playing]
703
00:53:13,190 --> 00:53:16,151
"Of quiet birds in circling flight,
704
00:53:18,236 --> 00:53:21,406
I am the day transcending night.
705
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:45,847
Do not stand by my grave and cry.
706
00:53:47,474 --> 00:53:49,184
I am not there.
707
00:53:49,267 --> 00:53:50,977
I did not die."